Tainted Heart
by SerpentineGateKeeper
Summary: Some friendships can be mended through gifts and apologies, can Theron find a way to mend his friendship with Alistair or will Theron decide to make Alistair feel the same pain he did and Let a certain Warden take his place as Warden Commander like Loghain. Based After Origins and Awakening I do not own dragon age nor bioware please let me know what you think


**Tainted Heart**

After defeating the blight and having Anora on the throne and letting Loghain live, the Dalish warden was deep in thought and questions on so many things he had done but no answer came across his mind. He was quiet about his feelings except when it came to recruiting new wardens, other than that he had no interest in talking about his feelings when other wardens asked what troubled him so. He would only look at them with cold eyes, keeping his expression stern and avoiding such talk with them since he thought it was none of their business.

After dealing with such things, the warden made his way to his living quarters when suddenly he stopped by his doorway to the sight of a young male elf wearing the warden's Dalish leather armor. The young lad had short black hair, pale skin and dalish tattoos on his cheeks.

The boy looked over at the warden in fright when he was caught wearing the armor, the warden only smiled kindly at the elf and made his way to stand in front of the boy. He placed his right hand on the boy's head as the warden took a moment to look at his eyes, _golden... and so much joy in them… just like his eyes _the warden thought to himself as he closed his eyes for a moment and spoke calmly.

"You are one of the new recruits, correct?" he asked the boy, opening his eyes to look at him but before the elf boy could say anything else. The warden continued, "Keep the armor, it would be a better use to you." And with that, he removed his hand and turned to walk to sit in his chair near the fire place. Gazing at the fire as it danced, "S-sir, can… can I ask you something?" the boy stuttered, nervous to move from his spot as he looked over at the warden with a shy expression.

"Come and sit, I would not mind talking with someone for a change." The warden glanced at the boy and nodded his head once, inviting the boy to sit on the other chair. _His shyness reminds me of him as well…_ the warden thought when the boy walked over and sat a cross from him.

"Sir, I wanted… I would like to know why you keep yourself so distant from everyone." The young warden asked as he fiddled with his fingers

"I cannot say why, but if you wish to know… then I will not avoid your question." The warden felt uneasy talking about such things but his time as a warden kept him so busy that he thought talking about his troubles was a waste of time.

"I lost a dear friend back at the landsmeet when I allowed Loghain to live." The warden leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and glanced at the roaring fire.

"Oh, did your friend die?" the boy asked with a concerned expression as his remained seated

"No… He left the wardens before the battle, after me and loghain defeated the Arch demon and ended the blight. I left loghain and the wardens to find my friend but he was nowhere to be found" the warden's voice was less blunt than usual and filled with sorrow, the boy knew something troubled his commander but he never thought it had to do with a loss of a friend so he remained quiet and listened.

"My friend… his name was Alistair and he was the only friend that stood by my side through everything until…" he paused for a moment when his heart pinched with pain, he lost many friends and family but this was the greater pain he ever endured since Tamlen's death by his own hand. "Well" he cleared his throat, "With rage to the idea of letting Loghain live, he just up and left my side… never looking back when he walked past through those doors. I never thought friendship was strong even when it came to ideas that seemed less good" he looked up at the boy with sorrow in his eyes as he spoke but he could not say any more.

Their conversation was interrupted when another warden walked in to offer the Dalish warden another request of recruitment, the boy watched as the two spoke. He noticed how his commander's facial expression changed from sad to stern cold, he felt a bit sorry for him so he stood up to leave when he stopped at the door to hear the warden.

"It has been a long time but I am afraid I must decline this time… the taint has taken a toll on my heart and it won't be long until I must…go" the warden showed a bit of sorrow but he remained vigilant.

"I understand sure but this one is important, Loghain himself declined the request as well since it involves recruiting Alistair back into the wardens. We need him back, sir." the other warden was male human so he stood a little taller than the warden commander, the boy smiled a little in hope of the commander to find peace before his time.

The warden commander was over joyed to hear of his dearest friend's name but he did not show it, "As I said before, I decline and that is final!" he raised his voice at the other warden and turned away to end their discussion.

The other warden left the room in heist since he knew how angry the commander can be since the left wing of the fort had a hole in the wall in proof of his wrath. The boy wanted to talk to the commander but before he could, the warden pushed him out of his room and shut the door. Locking it so no one would disturb him farther, the dalish elf stared down at the floor with his left hand pressed against the door.

_Forgive me Alistair… But this time, I am leaving… and I won't be coming back, I hope you will one day understand why I kept loghain alive…_ he closed his eyes when a tear made its way down his cheek to his law slowly, he tried to hold back all the pain but it was all too much to bare now and the pain he kept locked away came in unstoppable tears.

A week after when Alistair arrived at the keep wearing his dragonbone armor, he saw how much the grey wardens have grown and how many there were. All races joined as one and among them, Alistair stood tense as he spotted loghain training with the recruits in sword combat.

Alistair deeply hated the man but he was not fully focused on the man when one of the recruits came to him with a smile, Alistair recognized the armor the boy was where.

"Um, can I ask where you got that armor?" Alistair asked questionably as he reached into the wagon and grabbed his bag.

The elf looked at his dalish armor, "Oh, the warden commander gave it to me. Said he had no use for it anymore, gave him too many painful memories." The boy answered the blonde man's question as he led Alistair to meet with the commander.

"…I see" Alistair understood why the commander gave up his Charest armor to a complete stranger; _the fight we had_ Alistair thought to himself in regret as he followed the boy to the office.

On entering, Alistair saw the commander looking strong as ever but something told him that wasn't the case, the warden looked dreary around the face and his short hair now long enough to tie back. Almost the same hair style as Duncan and his skin seemed a bit more pale than usual.

The warden commander looked up when the elf boy came walking in with a smile, bringing him a smile to know that not all grey wardens are as broody as they seem. What caught him off guard was the person standing next to the boy, the person he least expected to see again but he showed no sign of surprise as he got off his chair and stood straight like a general ready for battle.

"You must be Alistair, welcome… Back" The way he said the last word was so cold, it gave the elf boy a chill down the spine as he allowed Alistair to enter the room. The two stared at each other with tension in the room, the boy left to grab them something to drink.

Alistair was about to speak when the warden commander beat him to it, "Things have changed around here when you left the order, I made a few improvements to the order and made sure every warden is a counted for." He spoke as though Alistair was just another warden and paid no mind to the man's expression when he mentioned improvements, "The new recruits took a shine to loghain and me so it did help along the way, and I also made a bit of changes that would not affect anyone." He would be fixing some paper work he had laying out on his desk; he not once looked at the man and kept a serious expression.

Alistair looked at him without a word until the commander was done talking; now it was his turn to speak.

"Theron, I know what happened at the landsmeet was not your fault. I was upset and my anger got the best of me, I couldn't help myself to see loghain alive and join the grey wardens… so, can we talk about this." Alistair explained his feeling to the warden but it seemed the commander was not paying attention, Alistair knew why and he wanted to fix the wrong he did to his friend.

"Address me as Warden Commander and not by my Dalish name." the warden glared at the man, feeling old hatred building up slowly

"Yes, Sir" Alistair tried to jest with his friend but he saw no smile except that glare, he cleared his throat from the tension and took a seat on one of the chairs.

"Do not take this lightly, boy! I am the one who took the job; I had to take risks to save this land and everyone within! Unlike a certain warden that abandons his duties, when everyone needed him the most" The warden was not going to go easy on Alistair; he needed to tell him how much pain he made on the warden.

"Look! I didn't know your plans and it hurt me to…" before Alistair could protest, the warden slammed his desk with his fist in rage.

"Damn it, Alistair! You were supposed to be my friend, I trusted you to remain at my side no matter what!" the warden yelled, baring his teeth in rage as Alistair so how long the warden held in those pains in his eyes.

"After you left, I felt betrayed! I even dared myself on blaming Duncan for saving me from those caves!" he was filled with so much hate and sorrow that it clouded his will to remain calm, his raging shouts could be heard by the others whom walked by the door and out the window. Loghain quietly stood leaning against the wall on the other side of the office door, listening.

"And if you are going to say sorry, well don't bother because I had it with you! You are NOTHING to me; you're just another drifter that doesn't deserve to be called a grey warden!" The commander yelling soon calmed down when he saw the expression Alistair had and sat back down on his chair, sighing calmly as he glanced at the door. Spotting the tip of loghain's armor peeking out, he looked back at Alistair.

"But you're not here to hear my rambling, welcome back to the grey wardens, so on and so forth. Now get out" his voice held a stern, strong tune as he went back to his paperwork.

Alistair was silent for a while, hearing how much his poor friend endured while he was away drinking and brooding. He stood up to leave when he saw a drawing of himself and Theron on the wall, he was about to say something when he noticed the drawing was recently ripped in two. He looked at the warden once more and leaves the room so he could calm down.

Loghain came walking in after Alistair left and sat down; he crossed his arms and looked at the warden without a word.

"What do you want loghain, I am very busy and your stare is distracting me. It's annoying" the warden said with a weary tone in his voice

"Let my stare bother you because you're not doing your job" loghain answered with little care of the busy warden's paperwork

"If it's about Alistair, don't bother"

"It's not about that boy, it's about your taint. How are you going to break it to the others when they find out that their commander is dying?"

"Shove it, loghain. You may be the next warden commander but that doesn't mean you can act like my father."

"I will act as your father, go and announce what is happening before it's too late. After that, I want you to go to Alistair and explain what you feel" loghain ordered Theron with a fatherly tone

"Yes, Father" Theron spoke sarcastically as he got up from his chair and walked to the door

"And if you're not doing it right, I will not hesitate to lay you across my lap and discipline you in front of all the wardens" loghain wanted to grin at his little joke but he kept it to himself and looked at his commander seriously

Theron imagined that and shivered with disgust as he left the office and headed down to the dining area where most of the wardens were playing card games and chatting.

Not far from his own favorite table, he spotted Alistair sitting here as his eyebrows came close together when he walked over. Not wanting to talk to him but he had to break the news to him first, he wanted to enjoy the look on the shem's face but he could not bring himself to see it.

"Alistair… I am sorry for yelling at you, it's not a way for a commander to act when welcoming back a fellow warden." Theron sat next to the man, feeling guilty for bursting at him with rage as the other warden glanced at him with a sad expression on his face.

"No, it's okay theron… I deserve it for leaving; I didn't know what was going through my head when you made a choice to keep loghain alive." Alistair spoke calmly as he drank, looking at his commander

"Alistair, I wanted to…I have something important to say before I…" he paused for a moment when he looked away in sorrow, knowing this news might make their friendship crippled

"Before you, What?" Alistair asked, a little concerned when he heard theron pause and looked away from him

"This is going to be harder on me more than it would on you, my friend." Theron stood up and walked to the center of the dining room, looking at everyone that paid attention to him. He wanted to close his eyes and wish it was a lie but how can he when his health is poor, he calmly sighed and stood proud like what a commander would do.

Loghain soon appeared from the hall and stood by his commander's side like a friend would and Theron appreciated that since he considered loghain a friend and trusted advisor when he needed it.

"Attention!" Theron began, "I do not have much time so I will make this quick…" he sighed from being nervous but loghain placed a hand on his shoulder and nodded to him in comfort, "I… I am going to die, I am strong but sadly my heart says otherwise. I do not have much time until the taint becomes too strong for me to handle" he glanced over at Alistair for a moment and saw the shock he had, "But do not grieve for me, be happy you all took the time to know me and damn it, if I see any of you frown. I will come back from the dead and make you smile" he looked at the wardens before him; saw their sorrows behind their fake smiles as he too forced a smile.

"Now for my second announcement, Loghain will take my place as Warden Commander" when Alistair heard about Loghain taking command, he stood up to protest against it.

"Are you insane! Loghain would kill us all"

"I chose loghain because he is capable of doing a job that was supposed to go to you!" Theron pointed at Alistair so all could see him as well.

"You are using loghain as a shield to hide your pain! Admit it; you are still angry with me because of what happened at the landsmeet! "

"Enough! Both of you, this is not the time to argue about the past! It already happened so leave it at that!" Loghain raised his voice at the men, stern but calm as he looked at Alistair and Theron.

"Forgive me, Loghain. I forgotten my place as commander" Theron apologized to loghain as he looked at Alistair with a cold stare; _it's the Landsmeet all over again… This time Alistair, I am the one that's going to leave and make you feel the pain as I did. _Without another word, Theron left the dining room and went to his living quarters to pack a small amount of clothes and important things he might need.

He glanced at the torn picture of him and what he thought was his friend, he walked over and took down the picture of himself and left the other alone when he grabbed his bag, leaving the room in silence.

Night time came when he started off on his journey to Orzammar, _It's my turn to disappear… I hope your happy Alistair. _He was upset that Alistair still could not see how many burdens he had to carry, Theron left a letter at the desk for Loghain, gifts for each warden he met. All except Alistair

He left out the back door and didn't look back…


End file.
